The other day, my friend took the train into the city and visited me at the shop. Time flew by quickly, as it does when you’re trying to balance both catching up and being present. After reflecting on my recent life projects, she smiled at me and remarked: “You’ve gotten softer over the years. It looks good on you.”
I’ve hoped to become less tightly wound as I age, and sometimes I feel like I can get there. Last night, I looked through my bullet journal/monthly logs from the past six months and realized that I hardly used them. I’ve been flying by the seat of my pants to make my ideas float. It’s sort of working, but it’s been an exhausting process. Behind the scenes, I wonder if I’m out of fuel (and miraculously, I keep pulling from my reserves). I hardly make time for writing any more. It’s been months since I’ve meditated, and I no longer set monthly intentions for myself (bad). These small practices that cultivate my deep inner world feel so far from me, replaced with a reactivity and a hoping for some weird validation. Annoying; that neediness deserves to be disposed.
Starting again is always possible. I’m thankful for that friend who saw in me a little of the vision I have of myself in ten years – relaxed, decisive, secure. In ten years, I’d like to still be writing, taking photos, finding joy in my physical and emotional capabilities, cultivating a creative environment to do meaningful work, and connecting with people in an impactful way.
Thanks for stopping by, hope to see you ‘round these parts more often.
Currently
Though I’m still into brown, I am slowly transitioning to grey
Saying what you want (and doing what you like) will attract more of it
Deliciously reading the Neapolitan novels, by Elena Ferrante – it’s been the best thing I’ve read in a long time. I’ve only got one more book to go. It’s inspiring me to write better.
I got married. Sometimes, we’ll dance around the house and play.
I’ve gotten back into photography, which I am very proud of. Getting a new flash for my camera really helped. If you have any photographers you admire, please share with me.